Retrospective thoughts from a boarding gate

[[ May 30th 2019 ]]

Setting off for five days away from my little family. Had to tear myself away this morning. Keep it together so as not to cause any alarm. I have been looking forward to this for months, but each step forward takes me another step away. Away from her skin and her smell and her toothy grin and her "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!" 

How will it feel to be alive with such a vulnerable and integral piece of me hours and hours and thousands of miles away? When my body is moving in one country and my heart pumping in another will I still be able to see and feel? Will my brain work in the same way? Or will I be divided, like someone living in two alternate realities at once? 

This is what has been worrying my mind for the last few days and now I am on the brink of finding out. Just willing myself to take those last few steps. Through the gate and into the space that will mean no turning back. Here I go. I'm not crying, you're crying.

- A -