Take a break. We all deserve it.

January is supposed to be about renewal. A time for productivity and tackling goals head on. It seemed I couldn't turn my phone on last month without finding ten new motivational posts on social media.

"Stop dreaming and start doing!"

"The time is now!"

"Changing the world starts with changing yourself!"

Okay I made those up and they're crap, but you get the idea.

Am I the only one who found last month to be a real chore?

Once the Christmas holidays were over I felt like I should be living up to those quotes, taking action, putting things in motion, but I just couldn't seem to make it happen. Every night I felt so tired and after giving my last bit of energy to my baby I just wanted to curl up in font of a screen.

To catch up on the news obviously or to watch an inspirational documentary.

Just kidding, it was historical drama.

Okay it was Outlander. Fine. I re-watched the entire series of Outlander in the month of January.

Then a couple of weeks ago things finally began to change. The fog in my brain started to clear, revealing a neatly organized list of plans and a new motivation to tackle them.

It was a welcome shift and a relief to know that I still had some drive left, but the mental clarity also brought a new perspective on the preceding few weeks. Why had I been so hard on myself? I had felt truly awful at some points - viewing myself as some kind of slob, defining myself by my lack of productivity. Never mind that all the while I was still working, making time for daily yoga, maintaining my relationships, and ensuring that the physical and emotional needs of a tiny human were being met. My own body and mind needed rest, and I was so consumed by my own perceived inactivity that I couldn't even see it.

I want to think that this is a lesson learned. I hope that next time my brain shuts itself off for a while I will be able to accept it, lean into it even and allow myself to recharge, but who knows. There is every chance that I'll be right back to square one. 

We are so much more critical of ourselves than we would ever be of anyone else. So when does understanding this undo it?

- A -

And for all of you who are here for the cute photos, something from this day last year: