How to maximize your cardiovascular endurance workout on Hike Day.
A Fitness Tutorial
1) Before leaving for your hike, ENGAGE in several discussions and preparatory actions in an effort to reduce your chances of being eaten by a grizzly bear.
2) Drive to hike location. CHOOSE one that is high in elevation, preferably with thinner air.
3) As you walk to the trailhead, PERUSE multiple instructional signs on how to avoid confrontations with bears, as well as signs warning that there is "No guarantee of safety in bear country!"
4) KNOW in your heart that continuing with the hike after these signs is equivalent to signing a waiver agreeing that the park will not be held responsible for your resulting injury or death.
5) CONTINUE on incredibly steep hike anyway. Move quickly up the mountain. Very quickly. Almost abnormally quickly. Why are we moving so quickly??!!! You will know you are doing it right when you are struggling to place your feet correctly, and every, tiny sound (definitely a bear) makes you feel like you might topple over the edge of consciousness into a deep, dark peaceful realm where your lungs no longer exist.
6) After twenty minutes or so, CALM down just enough to be able to enjoy the fairytale scenery - forests and wildflower meadows - places that bears love, obviously.
7) RAISE heart rate again as you make one final push up the steepest slope yet, which basically appears to be little more than a large pile of rocks, ready to slip out from under your feet at any moment.
8) Reach summit (or good enough) and COLLAPSE as your heart finally gives out from a combination of superhuman effort and (literal) breathtaking view.
|Fairytale forests. Bears live here.|
|Tim and Katie at the REAL summit. Overachievers.|
|Wildflower meadows. Bears love these.|
|Click on me for more detail.|
9) Don't forget to take a PANORAMA :)